11 Reasons Why I Won't Click On Your Link Bait

December 5, 2013
  1. It blatantly panders to my predispositions.

  2. I presume it was written by an underpaid intern.

  3. I already saw the content on Reddit.

  4. I'm sick of watching animated reaction GIFs.

  5. The format screams unoriginality and desperation for visibility.

  6. Your subject matter is either mind-numbingly trivial or frustratingly oversimplified.

  7. My same friends keep falling for your tricks.

  8. You keep planting irrelevant sexual photos as thumbnails.

  9. You're dumbing society down, list-by-list, training us to become impatient with content that doesn't come in PowerPoint format or isn't scannable for things with which we easily agree or disagree, because really, who has time for sentences with conjunctions that encourage us take some time to actually think when we have other websites to visit so we can waste more time instead of getting our work done and on to something meaningful with our lives?

  10. You're making the rest of media envious of your apparent success, infecting them with your ways and eroding their already tenuous motivation to market enriching content.

  11. It irritated me enough to write this stupid rant of a parody.